“Once you start psychotherapy you never stop”

Myths about psychotherapy: Number 4

The Importance of Contracting.

One of the first questions clients ask about their psychotherapy is ‘how long will it take?’ Well, people suffering anxiety or depression often begin to find some relief within the first two to four months of psychotherapy. And people with deeper issues such as trauma, relationship issues, or sexual problems often require longer.

So, given that psychotherapy works to the completion of a psychotherapeutic contract, the question then becomes when this completion should be. Well, your psychotherapist should always have a contract. This contract sets out your goal for psychotherapy and sets a date for completion or review. When this contract is met, you will either wish to come out of psychotherapy or to set a new contract. When you first enter psychotherapy, you may not be clear what your contract is. In this case you and your psychotherapist will work on this and agree your contract together.

Now, psychotherapy depends on frank, probing and revealing discussions that raise deep and sometimes troubling feelings. To allow these discussions to take place, your psychotherapist will provide a safe space for you to hold these discussions and for you to have your feelings. In this safe space you may come to express yourself more clearly than ever before. You may come to get in touch with and to understand your true feelings. In time you may, in this safe space, work out how to use your understanding together with your true feelings to bring about healing.

Taking all of these considerations into account means that as you proceed with your psychotherapy you should be evaluating where you have reached and whether you are close to meeting, or have met, your agreed contract. And, of course, your psychotherapist will help you to do this. You should always feel able to ask them how things are going and to talk about how far along the road you are.

Once the concerns that prompted you to start psychotherapy are under control and once the concerns that were bothering you are no longer weighing you down then it may be time to think about ending your psychotherapy. If you are feeling confident about your life and now have tools that work for you, then it is probably a good time for you to end your psychotherapy.

And please, if you have had a successful outcome, make sure the end of your psychotherapy is a positive experience. Just as everyone’s psychotherapy is different, so every ending is different. Together with your psychotherapist, acknowledge your release from what was troubling you. Psychotherapy can help us to be free, to belong and to get along. If this has happened to you then why not share this with your psychotherapist?

“Psychotherapy is too risky”

Myths about psychotherapy: Number 3

Why doesn’t everyone have psychotherapy? Is it because some people are suspicious of, or even hostile to, psychotherapy? I think the answers to these questions are based on misunderstandings.

I sometimes hear people say that psychotherapists “mess with your mind”. Well ok, it is true that psychotherapists seek to bring about changes to harmful thoughts, hurtful feelings and damaging behaviours. But in every case the person doing the changing is the client not the psychotherapist.

Another concern is that psychotherapists follow ‘crackpot’ theories that at best do nothing and at worst cause harm to the very people they are supposed to be helping. In their training psychotherapists learn to evaluate a range of approaches. In doing this they find out what is useful in these approaches, and to recognise and avoid potential pitfalls. At the end of their training psychotherapists tend to adopt one or two of the approaches studied following certain figures and practicing particular psychotherapeutic techniques.

Related to this is the fear that psychotherapy is a waste of time. This is sometimes expressed in the form “All that time and all that money to just talk about my problems” or “I’ve given away all my secrets for nothing”. At the surface level this may seem to be true. You will spend a lot of time talking about very personal things. Yet psychotherapy is not simply talking. Psychotherapists are trained with people like you in mind. They are trained to know what they can and what they cannot do. Their knowledge expands and deepens with experience.

And they are aware of the risks. Your psychotherapist will begin with an assessment session to judge whether they are the right person to offer you psychotherapy. You will then spend some time discussing the issues you are bringing to your psychotherapy. From this, you will together agree a plan for your sessions.

You will always be in charge and should always feel in charge of your psychotherapy. To make sure this happens your psychotherapist will check-in with you at the start of each session. They will also check-out with you at the end of the session to see how you are feeling and to ask if you want to say anything further.

Where your psychotherapist thinks there could be beneficial changes to your sessions they will suggest these changes in advance. They will ask whether you agree to the proposed changes and if you don’t agree to adopt these changes then they will not be adopted. Your psychotherapist will remain open to your views throughout your time together. They will hear you and keep your psychotherapy safe.

“My friends can give me all the help I need”

Myths about psychotherapy: Number 2

Nurturing social support from loved ones and friends is an important part of maintaining our mental health. Our needs, however, sometimes go beyond these relationships. When they do, we can benefit from professional assistance.

Psychotherapy may seem similar to friendship. There are however some important differences. Like your friends, your psychotherapist will listen to your feelings about your current concerns. Unlike your friends, psychotherapists are trained to talk with you in ways that will help you to acknowledge your true feelings and to find positive ways forward. In doing this your psychotherapist will be empathetic and non-judgmental. They will not tell you what to do or offer to do it for you.

In friendship your friends’ needs and interests are as important as yours whereas your psychotherapy is all about you. Everything your psychotherapist does is directed towards helping you.

Friendship does not need a plan or purpose beyond enjoyment. So, with your friends, you can relax, have fun, play sport or visit different places. In contrast, psychotherapy is planned and purposeful, moving towards one or more mutually agreed ends. And with your psychotherapist, you can only do psychotherapy. Your psychotherapist may be friendly, but they are not your friend.

Some of your private thoughts or feelings might appear hurtful or shocking if they were said to a friend. A psychotherapist is a trained professional who understands that we all have unpleasant thoughts and feelings. They know that talking about them in a safe space is important and helpful. They will not judge you.

Sometimes you may not know what you truly think about someone or something. Your friends may assume they know your thoughts already and rush to find quick fixes. Your psychotherapist will sit with you, listen and help you to clarify your thoughts so you can come up with the right solution for you.

“Psychotherapy is only for crazy people”

Myths about psychotherapy: Number 1

As much as I’d prefer not to use words such as ‘crazy’ or ‘mad’ they keep on coming up time and again in phrases such as “Psychotherapy is only for crazy people” and ‘You have to be mad to see a psychotherapist”. In fact, I’d say that such words speak to the most common misconception there is about psychotherapy. So, allow me to tell you how I see this.

Just as everyone has physical health, so everyone has mental health. Just as you can work on your physical health so you can work on your mental health. When you face challenges with your physical health you seek appropriate professional support. Similarly, when you face challenges with your mental health you should seek appropriate professional support.

No one is perfect. Your capacity to function varies from area to area. You may be very practical and not so sympathetic. You may be very sympathetic and not so practical. This means there are many reasons for you to come into psychotherapy. Perhaps you want to form a lasting relationship or start a family. Perhaps you are wondering about a career change or retirement. Maybe you are coming to the end of your life or maybe a love one has recently passed away. Psychotherapy is not just about anxiety or depression or for people who are in crisis.

Psychotherapy offers you the opportunity to understand yourself better. In coming to this understanding, you will come to appreciate certain things about yourself both positive and negative. With this understanding comes the ability for you to address longstanding and unnoticed unhelpful beliefs and damaging behaviours. This in turn will offer you the opportunity to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life. In psychotherapy, everyone can grow.