Tag: mental-health

Mustn’t Grumble

Do I suffer from Health Anxiety?

Am I healthy enough to do all the things I need to do? Would I feel better and achieve more if my health was better? And am I spending more time worrying about my health than doing something about it? If these are questions you find yourself asking then perhaps you suffer from health anxiety. And perhaps you spend so much time worrying about your life that the anxiety itself gets in the way of what you want and need to do.

Well, like many people you may feel anxious about the challenges confronting you each day. You may feel as if you’ll never be able to change your circumstances or to achieve your personal goals. And such anxieties apply to healthy people and unhealthy people alike.

Maybe you just don’t feel healthy enough to do what you want to do and to live a good life. Ok, so health itself, whether you are in fact healthy or unhealthy, can always be a source of stress. Nonetheless, many people in poor health make honest efforts to keep their mood up and to fill their day with good things to do. People in poor health can appreciate the value of having nice people to meet and good friends to socialise with just as much and maybe even more than healthy people.

So what can we do about this? How can we live our lives free from unnecessary worrying about our health? In other words, how can we live free from health anxiety? Some people are able to resolve anxiety about their health through engaging in deep and challenging self-examination. Such people would say that we should all do this albeit in our own individual way. At the same time other people may feel that they are simply unable to do this while others may be unwilling to take the time and effort needed to do this. Well, whatever your feelings, surely we can all take steps that will allow us to gain some satisfaction from life and to live free from unnecessary anxiety.

And isn’t it true that even very healthy people feel stressed? Relationships, work, finances can all be stressful for anyone. We may, for example, may be unable to see our way forward. We may find it hard to trust the people we rely on and need to trust. We may not always pay enough attention to our partner, to our relatives or to our friends. And this may extract a high emotional cost from us. It may damage our established relationships of every kind, and it may spoil our new and growing ones.

Ok, so given the choice we all want to be healthy. And good health surely makes it easier to carry out the basic needs of living, which in turn leads us to a secure sense of subjective well-being.

So, what can we actively do to address our anxieties about our health? Well one approach is to get some help at some level be it from relatives or friends, or professionally through issues-based counselling or in-depth psychotherapy.

If we choose the professional path, we should expect to receive fair, compassionate help with our anxieties of whatever kind. And this goes back a long way. Freud and Breuer themselves saw their task as follows:

“I do not doubt that it would be easier for fate to take away your suffering than it would for me. But you will see for yourself that much has been gained if we succeed in turning your hysterical misery into common unhappiness. With a mental life that has been restored to health, you will be better armed against that unhappiness.” – Sigmund Freud and Josef Breuer, Studies on Hysteria, 1895.

While these words would clearly apply to someone suffering mental anguish they may also apply to those who consider themselves relatively healthy. For the healthy person may be less insulated against such mental difficulties than those who have experienced difficulties while growing up, been able to gain self-awareness and who has hence built up some resistance to their adversities. And sometimes, healthy people feel less comfortable seeking help, fearing for example that their therapist might be privately thinking “What have they got to worry about?” So, the healthy person may be more reluctant to ask for help when they need it than those people with identified health issues. 

Here it is worth remembering that therapists owe all of their clients sincere empathy in coming to understand and to support them as unique and valued individuals. In this way empathy may even be seen as the most important active ingredient in counselling and psychotherapy. Every client, healthy or unhealthy, needs and deserves to be regarded as a whole person, with their own individual wants and needs.

No matter who you are, no matter how you feel, talking can help you feel better. No matter how you do this, to a friend or to a therapist, whether individually or in a group, opening up and sharing can help you feel better.

Oh Man, Oh Man, Oh Man!

Masculinity: Toxic and Non-Toxic

There are men, there is the masculine and there is toxic masculinity. If look at the news you will see some fine examples of toxic masculinity. Given this you might think that all men are toxic, one way or another. But is this really true? Men may all be similar but are they all the same?

Well, just because some men are billionaires doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of poor men. Men get the dirty jobs. Men die younger. So, you may think it’s not easy being a bloke, poor thing. If this sounds whingy then, all things considered, it’s because it is. So how easy is it to be a bloke? Depends which bloke you mean. I’m a bloke and we’re all different. So that’s that then. Cheers!

Except it’s not. Something has been changing in the way we view and yes judge men. Men were the bread winners, the brave and fearless hunters, bringing home the goodies for the family to enjoy. Now they are more likely to be regarded as tolerable at best and otherwise as leeches, takers and certainly not givers. All because they are entitled to. After all they are men.

And interestingly the context of such judgements has shifted from biological men to the attribute of masculinity itself. Today men are often talked about in terms of their masculinity and often with disapproval or worse. You may feel good about him but oh his masculinity! Leave that at the door. Ok you say, men will just do what they like if you let them. Perhaps but now with feminism we can at least call them out for doing just what they like. Quite right!

But hang on. If I said the same about women and femininity I’d meet with your disapproval if not outrage. Best I’d get is ‘trust a bloke to come out with rubbish like that’. And I’d be accused of treating men and women as the same and not as equals. Square pegs go in square holes, and round ones go in round ones, matey!

So do men get a fair deal here or has the pendulum swung the other way? Well, you may say, men get the lion’s share in so many ways why shouldn’t they put up with a bit of justifiable criticism? And isn’t the point here that after all her hard work, the lioness’s share isn’t equal to the lion’s. Not looking good for masculine men so far.

Ok, given our new awareness of masculinity what positives can we genuinely focus on? What about the New Man? Well, men are becoming more aware of their feelings. Men are more likely to share childcare and other caring responsibilities than their previous generation. Men are increasingly responding to the inequalities women face. No one thinks that the job is done, apart from some toxic men who think that we have gone too far already, but progress is progress.

Really? may well be your reply. Thanks very much for these crumbs. If this is the best you can do then don’t bother. This is certainly a useful reminder, to say the least. Nevertheless, it raises the question: if he’s a bloke, does he have to do it?