Masculinity: Toxic and Non-Toxic
There are men, there is the masculine and there is toxic masculinity. If look at the news you will see some fine examples of toxic masculinity. Given this you might think that all men are toxic, one way or another. But is this really true? Men may all be similar but are they all the same?
Well, just because some men are billionaires doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of poor men. Men get the dirty jobs. Men die younger. So, you may think it’s not easy being a bloke, poor thing. If this sounds whingy then, all things considered, it’s because it is. So how easy is it to be a bloke? Depends which bloke you mean. I’m a bloke and we’re all different. So that’s that then. Cheers!
Except it’s not. Something has been changing in the way we view and yes judge men. Men were the bread winners, the brave and fearless hunters, bringing home the goodies for the family to enjoy. Now they are more likely to be regarded as tolerable at best and otherwise as leeches, takers and certainly not givers. All because they are entitled to. After all they are men.
And interestingly the context of such judgements has shifted from biological men to the attribute of masculinity itself. Today men are often talked about in terms of their masculinity and often with disapproval or worse. You may feel good about him but oh his masculinity! Leave that at the door. Ok you say, men will just do what they like if you let them. Perhaps but now with feminism we can at least call them out for doing just what they like. Quite right!
But hang on. If I said the same about women and femininity I’d meet with your disapproval if not outrage. Best I’d get is ‘trust a bloke to come out with rubbish like that’. And I’d be accused of treating men and women as the same and not as equals. Square pegs go in square holes, and round ones go in round ones, matey!
So do men get a fair deal here or has the pendulum swung the other way? Well, you may say, men get the lion’s share in so many ways why shouldn’t they put up with a bit of justifiable criticism? And isn’t the point here that after all her hard work, the lioness’s share isn’t equal to the lion’s. Not looking good for masculine men so far.
Ok, given our new awareness of masculinity what positives can we genuinely focus on? What about the New Man? Well, men are becoming more aware of their feelings. Men are more likely to share childcare and other caring responsibilities than their previous generation. Men are increasingly responding to the inequalities women face. No one thinks that the job is done, apart from some toxic men who think that we have gone too far already, but progress is progress.
Really? may well be your reply. Thanks very much for these crumbs. If this is the best you can do then don’t bother. This is certainly a useful reminder, to say the least. Nevertheless, it raises the question: if he’s a bloke, does he have to do it?
David Large Therapy 